


Step by Step

by miohko



Category: The Magnus Archives (Podcast)
Genre: Asexual Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Coming Out, He/Him and They/Them Pronouns for Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Hurt/Comfort, Jon is struggling and Martin loves him So much, Kiss-Averse Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, No beta we die like archival assistants, Nonbinary Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, Other, Sex-Repulsed Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist, i think???
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-12
Updated: 2021-01-12
Packaged: 2021-03-15 07:42:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,152
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28685028
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miohko/pseuds/miohko
Summary: They were together. They were ok.But…He had to tell him eventually.
Relationships: Martin Blackwood/Jonathan "Jon" Sims | The Archivist
Comments: 2
Kudos: 54





	Step by Step

**Author's Note:**

> this is my 3rd fic where people i project on come out to others and the other(s) loves them so very very much its oddly therapeutic oops
> 
> Uh content warning i guess?? Jon has some upsetting/negative thoughts about themself being ace. Just in case anyone seeing this doesn’t want to read that. There's no aphobia from any other characters though

_“Martin. Martin, look at me. Look at me and tell me what you see.”_

_“I see… I see you, Jon… I_ see _you.”_

_Arms enveloped their body, and the warmth of each other’s touch, the warmth they had both missed for so long, anchors them back._

_They were together. They were ok._

But… 

He had to tell him eventually.

Step by step, they told themself.

One, two, three, four, five. He stands at the doorway.

Martin is seated on the couch, curled up, knitting a jumper he immediately started working on the other day when Jon had made an offhand comment about usually running cold and not packing enough jumpers. 

His face was screwed up in concentration, meticulously making sure that each loop was perfect. Jon’s heart flooded with love and adoration. It overflowed, filling his whole body, making him feel warm and safe and comfortable and far from alone.

But.

But… Jon was about to say something. They needed to before it became too late. Leading Martin on made him feel sick. Would they be leading him on? Georgie had said he never did, but what if this was different? Everything is so different now. It makes Jon sway on his feet, side to side, grief and guilt and fear pooling into his stomach, wiping out the warmth in an instant.

But this had to come first. The Eye can wait. Elias can wait. This comes first. Push it aside for now. Step by step.

They take another tentative step into the small room. That’s when Martin realizes that he’s there. His face immediately breaks into a large smile. Despite everything going on, they were here. And for now, they were as safe as one could be in an apocalypse that feeds off your fear.

Take a breath Jon. Relax. They try to give a small smile back, but are unsure of how confident it really looks.

Martin frowns a bit. He saw right through the faux smile. He always has.

“Jon?” he asks tentatively.

In, out, in out.

“Martin,” Jon starts, but pauses, mouth open, saying nothing. Everything they had planned on saying, everything they had rehearsed late at night while hiding in the bathroom so Martin couldn’t hear, is gone in an instant.

But Martin always knows what Jon needs. He puts down the jumper and gestures to Jon, beckoning him to the couch. Jon’s feet move to their own accord, as if Martin is physically pulling them. It doesn’t feel bad though. Jon is glad he has an anchor like this.

He melts right into Martin’s arms, sniffling a bit. Martin shuffles around, holding onto Jon tightly, and adjusts himself to make them both comfortable. 

After the Lonely, touch had been difficult. Martin struggled with prolonged touch, even something like hand holding. He explained to Jon that it just didn’t feel natural anymore, and as much as he wanted to hold Jon, his mind and body just wouldn’t let him. Peter had driven him so far into the Lonely that this stuff had felt alien to Martin. And, to be honest, even _before_ the Lonely touch was difficult, even for someone as touch-starved as Martin.

But Jon had told Martin that as long as he was comfortable with it, Jon wanted to help him. And Martin agreed. He wanted to be close to Jon so badly, but it was just _hard_. With Jon’s reminders that they still loved him and constant alertness to Martin’s mental state, touch began to feel more natural once more.

“You ok?” he whispers.

Jon shakes his head a bit, tensing up. Opens their mouth a couple times, but can’t get the words out.

_I’m ace I’m ace I’m ace_

They come so clearly in their head, but he can’t get them to come out of their mouth.

“I…” 

“Shh,” Martin comforts, rubbing his partner’s back slowly. “It’s ok, take your time.”  
Right. Breath in, then out. One step at a time.

“Martin I’m… ace. Like as in asexual,” they finally get it out, a little louder than they intended to, but the hard part is still to come, no doubt, they try to remind themself. 

“Oh,” Martin says, not rudely, not unkindly, just as if a little surprised.

“‘Oh?’” Jon parrots, still nervous.

“Oh Jon is that all? You know I still love you and I always will. No matter what.” They melt back into each other's arms. Maybe Jon won’t need that sweater. As long as Martin’s always there to hold him, he’ll be fine.

But

Well… there’s still more. Of course Jon knew Martin would accept them as ace but there’s more. 

“But I…” Jon can feel their face flush, in nervousness and a bit of embarrassment. What will Martin think? Who would want a partner who doesn’t want to do what society seems so keen on deeming the most important part of romantic attraction?

Martin waits patiently, gently massaging Jon’s shoulders

“I’m sorry,” Jon murmurs quietly. But Martin hears it. He always does

“Jon, no. You are not allowed to say those words. Don’t feel ashamed. You are _you_ and I love _you_.” 

_But what if…_

“What if I don’t want to kiss you?” Jon finally gets out.  
“Huh?” Martin asks, once again not angrily, but confused at the sudden question.

“I just… I love you, I do, but I don’t feel comfortable with… kissing. Kissing anyone,” Jon says shakily.

Martin says nothing at first, just adjusts himself and Jon so that Jon can look directly into his eyes.

“Jon, look at me. Look at me and tell me what you see.”

Those words. Those exact words. Jon let’s out a choked sob.

“I… I see _you_ , Martin.”

“Jon. I love you _for you_ and nothing is going to change that,” he whispers. Jon smiles weakly, feeling a couple tears rolling down their face.

“Even though-”

“ _Nothing is going to change that,_ love,” Martin repeats.

Jon freezes, heating up way more than they probably should. “‘Love?’” they repeat shakily.

“Y-yeah is that ok?” Martin seemed to have not noticed the slip until Jon pointed it out.

“Yeah. I like it, my dear,” Jon says.

Soon enough they’re both crying a bit. But they love each other, so much, and just as Martin said, nothing is ever going to change that.

As their sniffles begin to die down, Martin asks, “Are there any specific boundaries you have?”

Most of Jon’s fear is gone, but they’re still a bit nervous. “Just, not on the lips or neck? Georgie helped me figure it out when I was, uh, with her. I’m fine with small kisses on the cheek and hand and things like that.”

Martin lifts up Jon’s hand. “May I?” he asks with a small smile. Jon nods. Martin gently kisses Jon’s hand, and with that, the oh-so-serious archivist is crying once more.

“I love you, Martin.”

“I love you too, Jon.”

**Author's Note:**

> Alright I'll either see you all in two months when i get the desire to write again and churn out two increasingly self indulgent fics before disappearing again <3


End file.
